I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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