When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
