it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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