I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
should my penis look like a turkey
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
