He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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