Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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