I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
