walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
