Is it because I queefed?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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