I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
