My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
worst night to have a conscience
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
