The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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