I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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