let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
