come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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