I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
