Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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