I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
