Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
