Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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