I can tuck mytits in my pants
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
