Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
