She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
