dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
