you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why thereโs always strippers at our house
Pro: thereโs always strippers at our house
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Randomize
