connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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