Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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