Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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