i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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