If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
