i jhust puked up my retainher.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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