if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
