elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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