P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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