woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
