Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
