Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
