she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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