you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
