I puked a lego.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize