me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
