There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
