He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
