Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
