you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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