I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
