There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
