I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
