I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
