I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize