I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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