WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
