awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
