So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
