I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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