Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
