I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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