what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
