Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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