I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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