how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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