it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
