I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Say something about gay babies.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
