Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
