we're chasing vodka with high fives
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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