Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
