wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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