I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
