You're completely useless in the revolution.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
