nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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