im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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