Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize