Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
