So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize