I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
