I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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