I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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